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When grief takes over, church offers beacon of hope

Ministry at St. Joseph in Conway comforts children, parents, grandparents, widowed

Published: October 30, 2014   

By Aprille Hanson
Little Rock Correspondent

Aprille Hanson
Linda Strack (left) and Beth Boucher, parishioners at St. Joseph Church, Conway, hold photos of grandson Chancellor and husband Jeff respectively, who both died in 2012. The women have been attending “Sharing the Journey,” a grief support group through the Beacon of Hope Ministry at St. Joseph that helps the bereaved in a variety of outreach efforts.

CONWAY — Linda Strack will never forget the weekend in spring 2012 she got to spend with her 3½-year-old grandson Chancellor, who affectionately called her “Busia” (Polish for grandma). Instead of having a weekend with three of her grandsons, it gave Strack time to carry out a tradition with just Chancellor: dress him up in a little sailor suit, just like she did with his dad when he was a child, and take some photos.

“If he wouldn’t have come that weekend to spend with me, I wouldn’t have taken that picture,” Strack said. “I think God prepared us for him being gone.”

About two weeks later, right after Easter, Chancellor was killed in a car accident involving a semi-truck.

“We were told he just didn’t make it through surgery,” Strack said. “It was horrible.”

“It’s really kind of a sisterhood. It’s a club nobody wants to join. You become a member not by choice.” Beth Boucher

While God may have prepared Strack during that special weekend, he continues to reach out to Strack and others through the grief ministry Beacon of Hope at St. Joseph Church in Conway. To date, Beacon of Hope is only the third known grief ministry throughout the 131 Catholic churches in Arkansas, according to the diocese’s Family Life Office. 

Kathy Kordsmeier, a licensed therapist, chaplain at Hospice Home Care and executive director of Beacon of Hope, approached then-pastor Father Tom Byrne in October 2002 about creating a ministry for healing. Kordsmeier trained and received certification as a Minister of Consolation through the National Catholic Ministry to the Bereaved (NCMB).

“Eventually we were given approval from our pastor and from the diocese to host a NCMB Ministry of Consolation Workshop in our parish in November 2004 where 45 people from around the diocese, including 12 from our parish who came to receive training to become certified as ministers of consolation and learn how to begin a ministry in their parish,” Kordsmeier said, later operating under the banner Beacon of Hope.

First-hand understanding

It was Kordsmeier’s own personal struggles with grief and loss that helped call her to the ministry.

“I knew a counselor who helped me understand the wider spectrum of loss in my life, including a childhood which was lacking in nurturing because my parents early lives were also lacking in nurturing and later my parents’ divorce,” she said. “I had also experienced a divorce which meant the loss of many hopes and dreams, the death of my brother and some other secondary losses. Because I knew how much I had gained by identifying these losses, learning how and receiving encouragement to grieve them in a healthy way, I wanted others to have the same opportunity for healing in their lives. With a background in psychology and a growing interest in inner healing of memories and emotions, I knew God was already preparing me and calling me to this ministry.”

Since then, a small group of volunteers in the parish meet monthly to provide support and encouragement to those that are bereaved in the parish in a variety of ways at no charge to parishioners and those outside the parish.   

“Sympathy cards are sent out to the bereaved at least three times during the first year of the loss. A library of CareNotes published by the Abbey Press with dozens of titles related to grief, loss and other life events is kept stocked and on display in the vestibule of the chapel at all times,” Kordsmeier said. “‘Sharing the Journey’ is a grief support group that meets on the second Thursday of the month from September through May … There are other annual events such as the  Pathways Conference in October and the Christmas Remembrance Tree in December which is a memorial for those who have lost a child.”

Beacon of Hope recently created a Facebook page (found at facebook.com/BOHConway or by searching “Beacon of Hope Ministry St. Joseph Conway”) where volunteers will post grief resources, inspirational messages and create an open dialogue for those experiencing grief in their lives to share their story. 

Sharing the journey

For people like Strack and Beth Boucher, who lost her husband Jeff to leukemia in 2012, the “Sharing the Journey” support group provides not only guidance on how to cope with grief through faith, but a chance to bond with others who have experienced loss.

“I have amazing friends, family and the Church as support systems, but to just go and sit to have that time to sit with other people who understand … You don’t know really until you’ve gone through” a loss, Boucher said. “It’s good to let it out and just talk freely. We sort of bonded. I look forward to the meetings, I’m benefiting from them.”

After standing by her high school sweetheart and husband of 47 years for 10 months as he battled leukemia, she was “numb” after he died. Boucher went to her first “Sharing the Journey” support group meeting that fall and at first, it was difficult.

“They started each session by lighting a candle and saying a prayer and each person who took the candle had the opportunity to introduce themselves just briefly if they wanted to. I couldn’t even do it and I’m never at a loss for words,” Boucher said, but soon, garnered the courage to speak. “They passed the candle back to me.”

But Boucher learned quickly that grief is a lifelong journey and no one needs to do it alone.

“The first time I went, I remember being so surprised — there was a woman there who had lost her son when he was 4 years old and it had been 45 to 50 years ago. That struck me. I was very touched by that. It’s part of what made me come back,” she said.

Boucher said she those who lose a loved one have “something very profound in common” and it’s there that she draws strength, particularly from other widows.

“It’s really kind of a sisterhood. It’s a club nobody wants to join. You become a member not by choice,” Boucher said. “I learned during my husband’s illness something really valuable and that is to accept help when other people want to minister to you. I considered it a gift to learn that. There’s a lot of people that want to be proud, they just want to be self-sufficient about it (their grief). I’m a private person too, but I had so many people be so good to me and do things for me, every time I was at my lowest. It was just God thing.”

Strack first started attending the support group about three to four months after Chancellor died, after Kordsmeier reached out to her.

“I was having such a rough time. You know how they say it’s worse losing your child, I think a grandchild is just as bad. I still cry at night sometimes thinking about it,” Strack said, adding that the group meetings “really helped me.”

The meetings have a variety of activities and outlets for grief that include prayers, watching videos that deal with loss, working on projects in memory of their loved one and sharing grief resources and literature.

“It helps to talk about your feelings and about the one who has passed away,” Strack said. “We talk about the holidays that are coming up and what we’re going to do and they ask after, ‘What did y’all do, how did y’all remember that loved one?’ … It’s a good thing our church offers and it’s free, why would you not take advantage of it?”

God’s merciful hand

St. Joseph pastor Father John Marconi said Beacon of Hope is “a wonderful ministry” that has also ministered to non-Catholics attending meetings and workshops it provides.

For Father Marconi, grief is all too familiar — his sister died in a car accident in April 1980. His father has also since died.

“Like the bishop states in many of his funeral homilies, we as a Christian people grieve but with faith and hope and that is the difference of those with no faith and hope. Losing a loved one is either going to draw you closer to the Lord or farther away. For me it has brought me closer to him and his Church,” Father Marconi said. “I did not grieve alone, that was the blessing. Beacon of Hope provides that for people who are struggling and having a hard time with the loss of a loved one. I have encouraged many people to attend their meetings and workshops to help them deal with their grief and losses in life.”

And while Strack can no longer hug her little grandson and Boucher cannot hold the hand of the love of her life, God is still guiding them forward so they can see them again one day … and so is Beacon of Hope.

“I see God working every time I interact with the bereaved. I am witness to the transformation of a person experiencing the intense emotional and spiritual pain that accompanies loss to a person who learns to live life more fully, not in spite of, but because of their suffering,” Kordsmeier said. “That kind of transformation can only be accomplished by the merciful hand of God. Beacon of Hope simply tries to be his willing instrument.”

For more information about Beacon of Hope, call or text Kathy Kordsmeier at (501) 269-1998 or e-mail . 

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