Forgiveness can fix flat tires, rusty nails in our faith

God can show us how to forgive those who hurt us, even when it seems impossible

By Diane Bausom

“Looks like you picked up a nail somewhere.” Nails in tires cause problems; so do nails of unforgiveness in our hearts. Flat tires can be repaired; broken hearts can be healed. Flat tires don’t fix themselves. Forgiveness doesn’t just happen; it’s a process.

I can watch someone change a flat, but I learn better by doing it myself. The same can be said for forgiving. We all know we need to forgive, but knowing it and doing it are two different things. Scripture clearly says, “If you forgive others their transgressions, your heavenly Father will forgive you. But if you do not forgive others, neither will your Father forgive your transgressions.” (Matthew 6:14-15). We need the “how to” not just the “need to.”

For many years as an adult, I rode through life with a very big “nail” from my childhood which took up residence deep in my heart and soul; so deep I decided it was no longer an issue. I patched up the hole and went on with my life, oblivious to the damage being done to my ‘patched tire’ life.

My wonderful father-in-law died suddenly in 2003; in my grief the old rusty “nail” was exposed. The rust of unforgiveness was everywhere; my hole of despair was growing. People said, “Forgive; you need to forgive.” But how? Can’t I just put another patch over the hole? I searched for answers in many places — books, professional counseling, spiritual direction with a priest, Scripture, the Eucharist and reconciliation. My head knew I had to forgive and my heart desired peace; but knowledge and desire still didn’t tell me how to actually do it.

I went to reconciliation confessing my unforgiveness; I received the Eucharist asking God to heal my broken places; I prayed the “Our Father” adding, “Lord, I know I haven’t forgiven yet, but I’m doing the best I can and I hope you understand.” Yes, he heard and understood. I found an amazing book, “Everyone Needs to Forgive Someone” by Allen Hunt, which told real-life stories of individuals who had been able to forgive what seemed unforgivable. If they could do it, maybe there was hope for me.

When changing a flat, a jack is a must-have; something to rest the car on while the damaged tire is removed and repaired. In my effort to forgive I was gathering up the right tools — desire, knowledge, sacraments — but in hindsight I realize I was trying to do all the “fixing of my flat” on my own. I needed a jack; a good one, one I could trust to hold me up while the damaged parts were restored. I needed God the Father, but I didn’t know him very well. God the Father was someone full of judgment and wrath, someone waiting to punish me for my mistakes. I couldn’t trust him as my “jack.”

But God knew my heart’s desire to forgive and led me to my first silent retreat. My soul was battle-weary from years of unforgiveness; I was emotionally drained and yet hungry for peace in my life. When I could no longer hold myself up, I allowed God to be my “jack.” He was nothing like I had pictured him. He was loving, kind, full of mercy and so very glad to help his daughter heal. I finally had my “how to” for forgiving: once I experienced God’s love for me I was able to give him more and more of my troubles. With his love I could find the strength to forgive what seemed impossible.

I watched Jesus forgive in the Scriptures; he did it with love, not condemnation. Peace and joy began filling my life. God’s love broke the chains of anger, resentment, shame and guilt. I was finally free! I had a “new tire” for living.

Let’s look closely at our “tires” during this Year of Mercy. Any spots wearing thin with resentment? Old hurts working their way to the surface? Any rusty nails of unforgiveness? The longer we ride on these “nails,” the greater the damage.

Now is the time to heal. Our Church is the place; the Master Flat Fixer is available 24/7. His mercy endures forever.

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