Communication is crucial to financial peace

Money management and happy marriage can co-exist with planning

By Tara Little
Associate Editor

Statistics show that financial problems are a major cause of divorce in this country. The stress caused by debt and differing priorities can be overwhelming, and oftentimes, partners turn on each other rather than seek the help they need.

In the Diocese of Little Rock, married couples share financial advice with engaged couples in an attempt to address money problems before the marriage begins.

Gerald and Linda Crochet, members of Christ the King Church in Little Rock, have spoken to engaged couples at Pre-Cana Days held in their parish over the past two years.

Financial success in marriage Communicate regularly and openly with your spouse about finances. Set both short-term and long-term goals to work toward. Set and adhere to a budget to meet your goals. Do not live above your financial means or spend what you don’t have. Avoid debt from wants rather than needs.

The Crochets have been married five-and-a-half years and they share three children, ages 2, 4 and 15. The oldest, Gerald III, lives with his mother from a previous marriage. They also live in Little Rock.

Forty-three-year-old attorney Gerald Crochet specializes in helping people achieve their long-range financial goals, which includes tax and investment planning and setting up trusts, life insurance and retirement plans.

He said attitude toward money usually has a lot of do with how couples deal with finances.

“I see people utilizing debt to satisfy their desire for things and I just don’t think it is a good move,” he said. “Spending probably comes back to some kind of selfish thing, or looking for satisfaction in things that aren’t going to provide it like God will.”

Crochet said no one should live above their means or spend what they don’t have. It is also important to avoid debt from wants and focus on needs for the good of others. Appropriate debts are those that come from getting an education, buying a home or starting a business.

Though he pointed out that he makes plenty of mistakes himself, he said he tries to focus on the Christian way of life, which is to serve others and not self, which automatically points to the right direction.

“If you look at the root of a lot of conflict, it’s less about ‘We don’t have enough money.’ It’s more of ‘Well, we’re not communicating about it,’ or ‘We’re not living the lifestyle that we want.’ I see couples put too much focus on money in the first place instead of appreciating what they do have,” said Linda Crochet, who works as a sales consultant for a payroll and human resources services company. She also pays the household bills and balances the checkbook.

Additional resources and tips on finances Click here

Joint finances and ongoing planning and communication as life changes are also keys the Crochets live by.

“For us, we knew before we went into it, we wanted it be ours. We don’t have separate checking accounts or anything like that,” she said. “Our philosophy is that marriage is a unity … Everything we do is to enhance the family and not the individual.”

Engaged couples should talk at great length about their financial goals and expectations before marriage, she said. And it is also important for each to define the difference between a want and a necessity in terms of spending.

Linda Crochet, 36, said she and her husband established a budget on the front end and have a set amount that each can spend on unnecessary expenses without consulting the other.

And when someone does blow the budget, it is important not to loose sight of what really matters, Gerald Crochet said.

“We both realize that the person is more important than whether you spent too much money,” he said. “We’re usually focused more on the future conduct than the past conduct.”

* * *

 

Greg and Julie Blair, though not financial experts, shared lessons they have learned from 16 years of marriage when they also spoke at Pre-Cana Days in their parish and at the diocese’s St. John Center.

The Blairs, also members of Christ the King Church, are raising four children, ages 7 to 14. Though no longer doing so, the couple spoke at the program for eight years.

Julie Blair stressed it is important to enter marriage with a solid financial foundation that is free of unnecessary debt, like credit cards.

“We encouraged them to clear it up so their partner didn’t have to take on that debt,” she said.

Couples should also share their financial histories. If a person had at one point filed for bankruptcy, for example, it is necessary to share that with his or her future spouse so he or she understands up front the obligations to be assumed once married.

And like the Crochets, the Blairs said regular communication, joint goal setting -- both short-term and long-term -- and living by a budget are all very important tools in financial management.

They also pointed out the shift in financial priorities that needs to occur in marriage. Things that may not have necessarily been important in single life -- such as wills, life insurance, retirement and savings for medical emergencies -- become very important for a family.

And like Linda Crochet, Julie Blair also talked about a change in thinking that needs to happen such as, “it’s no longer you and me, but it’s us” and “there is no ‘this is my money and this is your money.’”

And it shouldn’t matter if one or both partners work, or which one earns more money. “Everything financial is us together,” Blair said.

Greg Blair is a sales engineer and Julie does not work outside the home. She pays the household bills and does the shopping.

The couple also encouraged tithing to the Church, which includes financial contributions as well as sharing time and talents.

Following the example of an older couple that is financially stable is also important, she said. In their case it was parents.

“Neither one of us came from wealthy homes by any means. Julie’s parents were educators and my mom was a social worker and my dad worked at a bank,” he said. “They were very, very conservative. We didn’t do without, but we were taught financial responsibility at a young age.”

Julie Blair admitted, “We make plenty of mistakes and we don’t always follow our own advice, but we try.”

Actually giving the talks helped them as well because they did a lot of research to prepare, and the education was added to what they had already learned.

Though a lot of their advice came from trial and error, one tip they did follow was paying off their credit cards before they got married.

The Blairs, both 39, were married years before most of their friends and when the singles were dining out and traveling, the young married couple were starting a family and doing without.

“We just had to, we were young and we didn’t have that much money, but we knew what we wanted and we knew where we wanted to be,” she said.

They also encourage couples to discuss how many kids they want to have and when, and if one parent wants to stay home to care for the kids, financial plans have to be made to allow that to happen.

The Blairs didn’t plan ahead financially and learned they were having a baby nine months after they married. At the time it took both their incomes to make the house payment, and since they wanted Julie to be able to quit her job, the pregnancy was very stressful until they found a solution.

“We prayed a lot about that,” she said.

Eventually interest rates fell and they realized they could refinance and reduce the monthly payment enough to live off Greg’s income alone.

“And then once we got used to living on one income, after that, that’s just the way we’ve always done it,” he said.

But there have been plenty of other financial challenges in the past 16 years and they weathered them together through faith and prayer. Early in their marriage, medical bills stacked up because of poor health insurance coverage. Eventually the couple realized insurance would always be an issue with four kids and ultimately Greg gave up a job he loved to find another one that offered better coverage, she said.

“That was a sacrifice he had to make because in the end it turned out financially better for us,” she said. “But at the time that was a hard thing to ask someone to go out and do. Anyone who’s job hunting knows the stress of that.”

The Blairs also encouraged teaching children financial responsibility and the importance of making a Catholic education a priority. “That’s a huge sacrifice from a financial standpoint,” he said.

All four children attend Catholic schools.

“We absolutely sacrificed and had friends that wouldn’t do the same thing,” he said. “There’s a lot of sacrifices, mainly lifestyle sacrifices, that a lot of people aren’t willing to make.”

 

Additional resources and tips on finances

Greg and Julie Blair recommended the Florida-based Catholic organization Family Life Center International, which was founded by Steve Wood, because it offers good financial resources for families that are based on Catholic principals.

These resources can be found on the Web site http://www.familylifecenter.net.

Several books written by Philip Lenahan, including, “The Catholic Answers Guide to Family Finances” may be ordered from the Web site. Several articles, also written by Lenahan, are also available to read on topics such as tithing, teaching children about money, raising a family on one income, the burdens of debt, financial stability and faith-based decision-making.

Return to the Marriage & Family section index.

---

Please read our Comments Policy before posting.

Article comments powered by Disqus