Marriage relationship must be fed and nurtured

Published: November 25, 2006

By Elizabeth Reha
Special to Arkansas Catholic

Elizabeth Reha

"They say it takes a village to raise a child. That may be the case, but the truth is that it takes a lot of solid, stable marriages to create a village," said Diane Sollee, founder and director of the Coalition for Marriage, Family and Couples Education, on the Web site http://www.smartmarriages.com.

Solid, stable marriages take time, work and investment. In this busy, hectic world, marriage rarely gets the attention it needs. Spouses, children, family, jobs and the stress of life can be prime causes of dissatisfaction and frustration. Circumstances in marriage cause couples to become disillusioned and wonder if they can live out their marriage covenant.

So how do you keep your married life on track?

It takes time for reflection and clear direction. In marriage you are not required to punch a time card. There is no annual performance appraisal or supervisor looking over your shoulder. And typically, marriages do not get regular reviews to ensure they remain healthy and vibrant.

Your marriage is your primary relationship, your vocation in life. Couples who are vibrant and excited about their relationship are aware that marriage is a process, with ups and downs, and a continual recommitment to one another.

These couples are willing to make their relationship a top priority in their lives. They communicate regularly on an intimate level. They recognize the need for forgiving and healing of each other. They pray together.

Although couples should enter into intimate conversations every day, life's circumstances can overwhelm couples. Couples must make a concerted effort to choose opportunities to be together.

So, how does a couple carve out time for one another? The reality is you may have to "put it on the calendar." Even with daily prayer and conversations, couples need a regular or annual checkup to ensure that their marriage is on the right track. This means sitting down, prayerfully listening to God's wisdom and guidance, writing out goals for your marriage, and then revisiting and realigning those goals at least once a year. Your wedding anniversary is a perfect opportunity to reevaluate the year's experiences, pains and joys.

Plan time to be with each other and talk about how you feel and how you feel toward each other and your life together. When is the last time you had a date night? Even with little children, children need to see their parents make their relationship a priority.

When was the last time you tucked away a love note for your beloved to find? When was the last time you emptied the dishwasher without being asked? Even menial tasks of making the bed or taking out the trash can be a love building opportunity. When was the last time you prayed together as a couple? Sometimes that prayer can be as simple as "Thank God we got through this day!" God understands that prayer.

Consider attending a Marriage Encounter weekend or some other enrichment opportunity as a couple. For those couples who are struggling in their marriage, go to a counselor, or attend a Retrouvaille weekend. Don't let your marital relationship suffer in silence. (See the schedule for these marriage programs on page 11.)

Jesus Christ needs to be at the center of your marriage for its successfulness, especially when things get tough and they will. With Christ at the center to help you, you can set goals that will enhance and enrich your marriage. Couples must trust in God and give themselves totally to each other for a successful marriage. Be pro-active in caring for your marriage. Give yourself every opportunity for your marriage to succeed and it will be rewarding.

Elizabeth Reha is director of the Family Life Office for the Diocese of Little Rock.

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