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Joint meals, prayer, Mass key for families today

Raising a soccer star takes a back seat to getting child to heaven

Published: November 25, 2006   

By Keli Jacobi
El Dorado Correspondent

The Harts consider traveling an opportunity to spend time together. Standing together at Mount Ranier in Washington last August are Stephen, 18 (left), a high school senior; Andrew, 23, a diocesan seminarian at St. Meinrad Seminary; mom Evelyn, 51; Rosemary, 21, a college junior; and dad Robert, 52

The Harts consider traveling an opportunity to spend time together. Standing together at Mount Ranier in Washington last August are Stephen, 18 (left), a high school senior; Andrew, 23, a diocesan seminarian at St. Meinrad Seminary; mom Evelyn, 51; Rosemary, 21, a college junior; and dad Robert, 52

Soccer practice, cheerleading tryouts, Scouting -- all these extracurricular activities and more command the attention of parents and their children at an increasingly frantic pace in many Catholic American homes today. Throw in the fact that almost half of all American workers outside the home are women, according to recent data from the National Association of Working Women, and the typical Catholic home is busier than ever.

Busyness and outside or materialistic concerns all too often compete with the most important aspect of family life, which is to nurture the spiritual life of the family. This imbalance concerned Pope John Paul II so much that he dedicated 1994 as the “Year of the Family."

More than a decade later, his directive strikes a familiar chord for Catholics seeking better balance in their lives. Arkansas Cath­o­lic spoke to three families about their response to this ongoing dilemma in our modern, and increasingly secularized, society.

Liz Tingquist, youth director for the Diocese of Little Rock, knows full well the challenges of being a working mom and raising teenagers with hectic schedules of their own. Her two sons, Alex, 13, and Nick, 17, have spent numerous nights on the road participating in sporting events.

“If I were to choose a theme song for parents with teens, it would have to be Ozzie Osbourne’s trademark, ‘Going off the rail on a Crazy Train,’" she joked.

“It’s interesting, I’ve really had an opportunity to experience hundreds of kids in my position and one of the problems is we get so busy that sometimes as parents we quit parenting and we let the tail wag the dog," she said.

Tingquist called this tendency “the beginning of the end" and said she believes parents must reassert their active influence in their children’s daily lives to keep them focused on living a “real Catholic life," even if it means having to take time away from other interests.

“You have to be a family and steal that time if necessary," she said. “Sometimes what we try to do is, number one, eat dinner as a family. We sit down, honestly, 90 percent of the week as a family because that’s where you get family time."

Tingquist, a member of Immaculate Conception Church in North Little Rock, said establishing a regular prayer routine is also essential.

“We pray together. This may be more foreign to some, but our home is enthroned to the Sacred Heart of Jesus and Sacred Heart of Mary," she said. “We actually don’t just do prayer time at meals, but we also pray the rosary. And we always go to church together as a family. If we know, for instance, that my husband and other son are in Memphis, but they can make it back to Mass by 7:30 p.m. that evening, then me and my other son will wait so we can celebrate Mass as a family."

Evelyn and Robert Hart, of Christ the King Church in Little Rock, have three grown children: Stephen, 18, Andrew, 23 and Rosemary, 21. The Harts agreed with Tingquist in that prayer, regular meals together and Mass attendance go hand in hand with Catholic family life.

Evelyn Hart said her family understood that regardless of whether they were on

vacation or at soccer practice, Mass was always part of their weekend ritual.

“Nobody is taking roll at Mass so people think to themselves that maybe they can slide on it. But they lose sight of the longer  range goal which is not to make your kid a fabulous soccer player, but to help them reach heaven," she said. “Kids are great imitators. Whatever you do, they will follow. If you give lip service to the importance of Mass, they will do what you do and not what you say."

The couple also emphasized the importance of living a sacramental marriage even before children are born because, as parents, “you are the keeper of their eternal soul."

The Harts believe that limiting extracurricular activities to no more than two a year is essential in achieving and maintaining balance.

Overdoing it causes many families to put spirituality on the back burner, they said, and neglects the opportunity to be open to the grace of God in their lives.

“I feel sorry for those not taking advantage of that grace," Robert Hart said. “Our message is put that first and the time will open up. God cannot be outdone in his generosity."

The family also loves to go on vacations during school breaks. With the oldest two children away at college and the third soon to follow, family trips offer rare time together.

“We have found these specially marked times a blessing and an wonderful opportunity to grow in our patience and love for each other," Evelyn Hart said.

Kary and Aimee Harter of Holy Redeem­er Church in El Dorado have four children: Claire, 15, Will, 13, Trent, 10 and Molly, 8.

Kary Harter is a drug representative for the Merck Corp. and his wife is a full-time high school math teacher. In spite of the hectic pace of their lives, Mass is a priority along with “family night" on Wednesdays.

Claire Harter is perhaps most inclined to stretch herself thin with activities -- last year she was active in her school’s anti-drug organization, cheerleading, soccer, dance and swim team, just to name a few. (She dropped swim and dance this year at her mother’s encouragement.)

Claire is also an honor roll student and a six-year veteran of altar serving at Holy Redeemer Church. For the most part, she said she takes her parent’s requirements about Mass in stride.

“I think the only time I got kind of upset was in reference to the upcoming Campfire Social, because I know we’ll be up till 4 or 5 in the morning and we’re spending the night at a friend’s house," she admitted. “I was a little resentful on that one … but I guess I’ll just have to take a nap later."

Although she said she likes her busy social life, having time just to hang out with family is special to her.

“It’s definitely important," she said. “As we get older, we’ll be going into college … I’ll be driving and gaining independence soon enough. But sometimes we just need to settle down and focus on each other instead of who is going where and when and how are we going to get there."

Aimee Harter explained why she never lets outside activities detract from Mass, even on holy days of obligation like when Claire was rushed straight from a 5 p.m. cheerleading function to serve at All Saint’s Day Mass at 6 p.m. earlier this month.

“It’s a family thing," she said. “It’s like I told Claire, ‘You do what your family does.’"

Tara Little contributed to this article.

Tips for busy families

The following suggestions are for busy families looking to more fully integrate their faith into their family life: