Q&A: Answers to questions from engaged couples

Published: March 31, 2007

By Elizabeth Reha
Special to Arkansas Catholic

Q. What does the sacrament of marriage mean?

A. Marriage is a covenant by which a man and woman form with each other an intimate communion of life and love (Catechism of the Catholic Church). In marriage a man and a woman mutually consent to give themselves to each other totally and exclusively in a union that is unifying, indissoluble and open to life. If the man and woman are both baptized, the union is a sacrament.

Q. What's wrong with cohabitation prior to marriage?

A. First, cohabitation means living together in a sexual relationship when not married. The Church teaches that the sexual act is reserved exclusively to the marriage covenant. Living together outside of marriage jeopardizes the sanctity of marriage and is contrary to Church teaching. Substantial studies have shown that couples who cohabitate, whether engaged or not, tend to be less committed to their relationship with each other and are less likely to marry. Couples marrying after cohabitating have a higher divorce rate than those who do not.

Q. What is the Church's statement regarding birth control?

A. Responsible parenthood calls for couples to be open to life, generous and self-sacrificing. The Church gives guidance to couples by offering Natural Family Planning as a healthy, morally acceptable, alternative to artificial contraceptives as they prayerfully consider their calling to parenthood.

Q. Are there any restrictions on where we may marry?

A. Church law specifies that in marriage between two Catholics the wedding must be celebrated in a Catholic church. Occasionally, in a marriage in which only one party is Catholic, a dispensation may be granted allowing the wedding to take place in the non-Catholic party's church because of his or her connection to that church. The diocese does not grant permission for weddings to take place in nondenominational chapels, outdoors or in secular settings.

Q. Should we have a Mass or not?

A. Church law requires a wedding between two Catholics to be celebrated within a Mass. A wedding between a Catholic and non-Catholic may also be celebrated during Mass; however, sensitivity should be given to an inter-church wedding. The Catholic Church does not offer open Communion; therefore, interdenominational or interfaith couples may choose to give more attention to a scriptural ceremony outside of Mass.

Q. Can we write our own vows for the marriage ceremony?

A. No, the Church's ritual specifies the words to be used in the exchange of vows. The basic structure of the marriage rite includes three questions of intention, exchanging of wedding vows and exchanging of wedding rings. Although commonly called "vows," it is more appropriate to say "declaration and reception of consent." There are two approved forms of consent that may be used in the rite. Following the consent and blessings and exchanging of rings, it would be appropriate for the couple to recite a personal prayer to one another.

Q. Are there guidelines on the music to be used at our wedding?

A. Yes, only sacred music may be used during this solemn and sacred event. Some parishes have specific guidelines. If some of your favorite music is questionable, think about using it at the wedding reception.

Elizabeth Reha is director of the diocese's Family Life Office.