Domestic violence is never acceptable in eyes of Church

Published: October 25, 2008

By Sister Mary Lou Stubbs, DC
Special to Arkansas Catholic

Sister Mary Lou Stubbs, DC

Too often -- more frequently than most of us realize -- friends and relatives who entered what they believed to be a relationship of mutually growing care and concern, find it has disintegrated into the opposite.

Domestic violence is an addictive reality of epidemic proportion which spares no age group, social class, race or church affiliation.

According to the U.S. Surgeon General, domestic violence is the leading cause of injury to women in the United States. The Federal Bureau of Investigation reports that 35 percent of all emergency room calls are a result of domestic violence. Of those who abuse their partner, more than 65 percent also physically and/or sexually abuse the children.

According to the Arkansas Coalition Against Domestic Violence, each day in this nation, four women and three children die as a result of abuse.

Who can I call for help?
Click here

Too often the problem has been dealt with by telling the troubled couple to "kiss and make up." However, the reality of this problem is far more complex and requires people to go outside their comfort zone and get involved when they see abuse taking place.

As Catholics, we are called to be vigilant for all that attacks the dignity of the human person at any stage of life. And vigilance is needed to detect the violence that can mimic and warp love by replacing it with a cycle of fear and intimidation.

Victims, most often women, are incredulous that the one they love would hurt them with words or fists and tend to forgive and adapt their behavior to reduce the abuse. They face a cycle of forgiveness, fear and pain that can last for many years and may be broken only by rescue or by death.

The loving embrace of the Church for those being abused is well stated in "When I Call for Help: A Pastoral Response to Domestic Violence Against Women," issued in 2002 by the U.S. Conference of Catholic Bishops.

This guideline calls for "a moral revolution to replace a culture of violence." It defines domestic violence as "any kind of behavior that a person uses to control an intimate partner through fear and intimidation. It includes physical, sexual, psychological, verbal and economic abuse." ("An Overview of Domestic Violence," Section 2)

Domestic abuse often means physical battering, but it also includes isolation, verbal abuse, threats and intimidation against the partner or their children, and other means to control the life and activities of the persons being abused.

The Church is increasingly clear in her teachings that domestic violence, the use of force to control the life of an intimate partner, is always wrong.

We, as members of the Church, are responsible for being aware of and learn more about the dynamics of family violence so that we can assist people's escape from its slavery. We cannot hide in the false security of ignorance while people are being destroyed.

Luke's Gospel (10:29-37) tells a story about upright and proper people passing by a person who had been beaten and left on the side of the road to die. It took someone who was not afraid of getting involved to dare to even see this person, and then to have the mercy to save them.

We, too, must be good Samaritans for today's victims of violence. Can we follow the advice in Pope Benedict XVI's first encyclical, "God is Love," (Section 6) by exalting the beauty of loving partnership and condemning its abuse?

As people of the Gospel, may God grant us the wisdom to recognize the reality of domestic violence in our midst and the courage to reach out to those caught in its destructive cycle.

"The Church can help break this cycle. Many abused women seek help first from the Church because they see it as a safe place." ("When I Call for Help," Introduction).

We cannot betray the trust of those who have no where else to turn.

Sister Mary Lou Stubbs, DC, is director of Catholic Charities of Arkansas.

Who can I call for help?

If you are in danger, call 911 or call the national hotline (800) 799-3224 for help.
The Arkansas Coalition Against Domestic Violence also lists separate hotlines for area shelters across the state. Visit the organization's Web site to get the number nearest you: http://www.do mesticpeace.com/shelters.html.

Additional resources

To learn more about domestic abuse, visit the Web site for the Arkansas Coalition Against Domestic Violence: http://www.domesticpeace.com.

To find out what you can do to help, read, "When I Call for Help: A Pastoral Response to Domestic Violence Against Women," on the USCCB's Web site: www.usccb.org/laity/help.shtml.

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